Developing Character in (and homeschooling with) toddlers in the home, Part 2

The goal is to reach the heart of the child, not outward conformity. However we must use external means to bring in the boundaries with our children to allow an opportunity for training on the heart.

Outward actions vs. internal beliefs: At this young of an age, you must control outward behavior.

I. Limit physical freedoms through the use of a daily schedule. Continue with planned activities.

II. Watch verbal freedoms.

A.Require Right Responses.

1.Respect for authority and relationships.

a. "Yes Mom", "Yes Dad". No challenging why's. Do not offer a debate with your child. Guard yourself from responding to their "Why?" with anything but correction. You may allow "May I ask why?" Be sure to correct with discipline the passive rebellion. ie; stomping their feet, tongues, looks, running to the other room, screaming, crying uncontrollably. Younger children, teach them the sign of Yes or how to nod their heads.

b. Basic Courtesy's. Please, thank-you, will you forgive me. Make them take ownership of their responses. Do not fill in the blank for them and say something like, "What do you say?" Require them to leave the scene and take some time to think about why they need to do.

c. Make sure they listen attentively to all that are speaking to them with eye contact. You can judge what is in the heart by looking at their eyes.

d. Being encouraging for one another. When playing board games, do they encourage the winner or sulk in their defeat?

a.    Do not allow tattling. Teach them how to resolve conflict with their siblings biblically. You need to see humility and true concern, not malice. You will need to judge their motives. In our home we.

1.Self-control issues

a. No grumbling and complaining.

1.b. Teach them to interrupt politely.

III. Train the Heart of your child.

A.Teach them the way of virtue, not just the avoidance of wrong. Encourage right behavior.

B.Provide the moral reasons why when giving instructions to your child. This will be the foundation of all living. You do not want your children to respond out of fear of reproof. Knowing how to do right and why they should do right are two distinct entities. The first represents action, the second represents the principle behind the action.

C.By example. You must first demonstrate this. More is caught than taught.

IV. Teach them the Golden Rule; Love your neighbor as yourself. All of life's blessings will flow from this.

A.Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

B.Other people count.

C.Responding with compassion.

D.Putting others' needs before our own. Teach them to play the suggested game of the other.

E.Love is not rude.

F.Meism vs. Weism.

A.Do not exasperate your children.

A.Require first time obedience. Drew, Oh Drew, Come Here, Drew, DREW, DREW, Come here right now, I'm not kidding, Get over here right now, I mean it, Drew.

B.Require eye contact. You will know they have heard you.

C.Teach them the appeal process.

D.Do not add an ok to the end of statements. It is not a question.

E.Give them a 5 min. warning when leaving somewhere or ending a project.

F.Parent at home, not in public.

H. Be an example.

VI. Taking Responsibility for their actions. Determine whether or not it is innocent childhood or rebellion.  

A.Teach them restoration, forgiveness, and repentance. There is big differences between I'm sorry and Will you forgive me.

B.Don't be afraid to chastise your child. The Bible mandates it! Prov. 23:13-14, Prov. 22:15, Prov. 29:15.

a.Mean what you say and say what you mean. Follow through. You MUST be consistent with your chastisement for it to be successful.

b.Pre-determine the consequences so that you and your spouse are like-minded and consistent between each other.

c.Make sure they had clearly been given instruction and that they truly defied them.

d.Make sure you are not angry. Pray before you administer chastisement.

e.Clearly explain to them why they are being chastised.

f.Make sure that their will has been broken. Signs that you should see are a willingness to hug you, ask forgiveness and pray. If these are not evident, your child's will has not been broken.

g.Once they have asked for forgiveness, be sure not to bring their sin up again.

h.Require restitution when necessary.