We will begin this article by prefacing that we are in NO WAY experts, we hold NO theological degree, psychological degree and by NO means have a perfect family or marriage. We have however had MANY experiences in our family and marriage from which we will attempt to encourage others you to learn from. Additionally, our intention in providing the following is not a "formula" to guarantee a stronger marriage relationship. Keep your eyes on Christ alone and He will work out His plan for your marriage. Everything that happens in your marriage, whether good or bad, is for HIS GLORY! If you remember that fact alone, you can't go wrong. He has HIS very best in mind for your marriage. Nothing happens without his approval or by his design. Let go and let God work His plan in your marriage. Prayerfully, consider if HE would have you apply in of the following practical examples listed below.

We are sure that you have all heard the familiar cliché that "Love is a Choice". Let's take a look at how God defines love: Love is the willing and consistent practice of laying (sacrificing) one's life in order to meet the needs of another (1 John 3:16-18). Because this kind of behavior is totally at odds with our selfish disposition, we will not assume that you will accept this at face value. Why should we risk personal sacrifice to make relationships work? Is there ever a point when the cost is too high?

Marriage is a gift from God and is worth the highest possible investment...God's greatest gift, of course, is the relationship we enjoy with Him, thanks to the substitutionary death of Jesus Christ on the cross. And our union with Christ enables us to experience something supernatural in our marriages. By His example, Jesus demonstrated that no sacrifice is too great for love.

Now that you have been reminded that real love is sacrificial, will you make the commitment of showing and loving your spouse? This does not mean just some special gift that you may buy them (unless that is their love language). This means All of yourself.

Some of you reading this are desiring change in your marriage and you feel your marriage is a constant struggle. Could it be that maybe you are expecting to much? What are you doing to encourage change? Do you really think that one day you will wake up and your spouse will be different? Could happen, we're optimistic. But sorry to say, it's not very likely.

Let's get rid of all expectations. If Jesus had had expectations on showing the Ultimate Love, we would never make it into the kingdom of heaven. Instead, He laid down all his expectations and freely gave, just because He loves us so much.

Wives: What are some possible expectations that you may have? Maybe...your husband to be the Spiritual head of your family? Although this is a scriptural mandate, you cannot force this on him until he is willing to submit to the Lord. You can expect this all you want, but it will not make it happen. And ladies, you know as well as I do, once they have decided to take their biblical position, we then want to take it back by challenging their authority! How about your husbands--do you expect your wife to submit to your authority without having to always challenge your decisions? If these were so naturally easy, why do you think God had Paul address them many times over to the church? (Eph. 5:22-23, Col. 3:18-19). We are the first to admit that these two expectations are the hardest to let go of. Wives, do you expect your husband to hold you in his arms and tell you how much he loves you? Are you making yourself loveable? Husbands, do you expect the house to be clean when you come home from work? Do you have compassion and patience when it isn't the way you like it? Do you pull up your sleeves and help out or do you grumble and complain? (Phil. 2:14-15)

Yes, we believe that love is a choice and it is our prayer that this has spoken to your heart today and that you will make a daily decision to lay all your expectations at the feet of Jesus. If it is your true desire to be Christ like, take this time to give all of yourself without looking for anything in return. If you want restoration in your marriage, a fresh love, your first love, it starts with you. Make the decision to change you.

Steps to restore the love you first had with your spouse:

1. Pray for your marriage/spouse/self daily. (together if possible) Prayer will release the Spirit to give you the desire to love your spouse when they seem unlovable. For Wives: Here is prayer guideline to help you pray specifically for him.
2. Take an index card and write down 20 great things about your spouse. If this exercise is difficult for you, look back to the time when you were first married. Read this list daily.
3. Do one nice thing for your spouse today. This needs to be something that you don't regularly do. So, wives if he knows that you will pick up his dirty underwear or socks, it doesn't count. The challenge here is for you NOT to point out what you have done. Do not look for any appreciation. Remember, no expectations.
4. Make a point to look for the things that your spouse does for you and let them know how much you appreciate it.
5. Walk in humility. Take a self-examination, look for things that you can improve on. Listen to comments that your spouse makes about yourself. Instead of being defensive, admit your faults and let them know you're working on it and that you appreciate their desire to help you change.